Alone

The hallway is silent. There are no doors banging. No people coughing or shuffling paper. No one knocks. The printers are quiet. The toilets aren't flushing. The microwave isn't beeping.

There is just me.



But someone else must be here...my garbage was emptied this morning.

My three lives of Guiding: Now That I'm Really An Adult

When I got back from my jaunt through the Pacific, I was ready to face life. I still didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew that I was ready. Looking back, I think I left Pax Lodge at the right time. I was still thrilled to be there, I wasn't homesick, and I hadn't reached the end of my Pax Lodge rope, so I left with positive memories.

I found a job fairly quickly and moved to Vancouver. I actually got the job because of my Guiding involvement. There was a choice between two candidates and they chose me because one of the women doing the hiring had previously been involved in Guiding.

I settled into my job and my new and stumbled back into Guiding. Before I knew what had happened, I was a District International Adviser. I loved it! A few years passed and the current Area Adviser was done her term...and I stepped in. I loved it even more. It was a big job, but it was so worth it! I did it for just over three years before a tumble down the stairs forced me to pull back from a lot of the things I did.

But not before I realized what a strong and wonderful community I had surrounding me. When I was sick with some unknown ailment for a long period of time, my Guiding friends checked in with me on a regular basis. There were offers of food, and company...both most appreciated. Guiding women were at my house with more food and offers of company when I took my tumble down the stairs. They were there to support me in anyway they could and I was so grateful for them. They babysat me when I still needed someone at the house with me and Alex had to work and my mom had to go home to her real life. They brought food so we wouldn't have to cook. They brought books for me to read. They had hugs for Alex. They were wonderful.

The same ladies were at my wedding shower. They gave us beautiful and generous gifts to celebrate our special day. One of them was even at the wedding as our coordinator and she helped make our day lovely! At my wedding, my Guiding friends from age seven and up got to meet each other - there were Guiding ladies from Kelowna, from Vancouver and from far away England at the wedding....

They showed up with food, gifts, and offered to hold my kid so I could nap or shower or go for a walk. They were wonderful to me when I needed it and I hope (well, I hope only good things happen to them) that I can return the favour!

Less than a year after my tumble, I married Alex. Alex who I never would have met if it wasn't for Guiding.


Sometime after I came back to Vancouver I met Stacey. I met Stacey because she was in Guides with Sunita and I met Sunita because we went to Guide camp together. Stacey knew Alex's friend and the two of them engineered a meeting for us.


And look where we are today!

[we so need to take a family picture in the worst way...I think it's been almost a year...there's lots of J with one parent and none with both]

And that's why, if you ask me what I'm doing this weekend, I might just answer, going to a Guide meeting even though I'm not ten anymore...And if I'm not going to a Guiding event or meeting, maybe I'll be hanging out with some of my Guiding friends (although they're people I really just refer to as friends these days)

Thank you Guiding for enriching my life, giving me all kinds of wonderful opportunities and life experiences, for introducing me to so many of the people I consider good friends, for introducing me to my husband, and for letting me be me through it all!

Do you have a hobby or an organization or a person who has affected your life?

Heavy

My eyes are heavy with sleep I didn't get last night. My eyelids feel as if they are being pulled down by gravity and it's taking everything in my power to keep them open. I go for a quick walk around our building and my feet are heavy, like bricks. It is an effort to lift each one, left right left right, to complete the circuit. The cold air is heavy, choking, as I draw it deep into my lungs. But my eyelids aren't so determine to close: they're staying open without me thinking about them. By the time I get half way around the building my plodding feet are moving normally and my lungs are no longer shocked by the cold air. Back at the main entrance, I no longer feel dragged down and am ready to finish my day's work.

But tonight, tonight I will make sure I'm tucked under the heavy blankets on my bed hours before I was last night.

My three lives of Guiding: The Nomadic Era [European Edition]

I hardly slept on the flight over to London. I was so excited. My plane was mostly empty and I had an entire row to myself. As in, the left, centre, and middle sections...three possible places to stretch out and sleep. Which I didn't.

When the place began its descent, I scrambled to the window on the left side and watched as the patchwork quilt country side slowly turned into a Metropolis. At the airport, a frazzled volunteer from South Korea, Ah Sook, was waiting for me. She was terrified she'd miss me even though she had a picture of me. She got to my gate over an hour before my place touched down, just so I couldn't squeeze past her.

She guided me down to the underground and we were off. I remember being in awe of my surroundings before the train dropped below ground. We stepped into the bright sunshine at Belsize Park and the first thing I noticed were the red brick buildings.

I don't remember the walk up the hill to Pax Lodge, but I do remember being greeted by all kinds of people. Just minutes after I made it to my room and closed my door to wash my face and unpack a few things, two girls knocked to see if I wanted to go RIGHT AWAY to Camden Town. I said no, but after that, I rarely said no to anything.

I made myself a promise that while I was having my once-in-a-lifetime experience I wouldn't say no to anything unless it was going to hurt me or someone else or was illegal or unethical.

It's a good promise to make. I went out when I probably should have been in bed. I spent a few dollars more than I probably should have to see some wonderful theatre and art. And it was worth it.


I had no idea when I walked into Pax Lodge that July that it would be just shy of three years before I settled down at home again. I was only supposed to be gone for a year.

I liked being a House Assistant (HA). It was hard work, no doubt about it, but it was fun too. I met all kinds of wonderful people. Guests, other HAs, volunteers on the World Board. It was amazing.

HAs worked hard, but they also played hard too. Many nights after a long day in the kitchen or doing housekeeping duties we would head out to the local pub or the Hampstead Heath and have some fun. Or we'd have a party on the balcony (weather permitting) or in the corridor once winter came. Or we'd squish into the Deputy's lounge or sprawl around the conference room and watch movies. Working and living in such close proximity we became quick and fast friends.

Every month we had a change over of staff - anywhere from one to four people. While we always heartily welcomed new staff, we mourned the loss of our friends...a real emotional roller coaster.

I spent a wonderful, exciting, marvellous six months at Pax Lodge. I loved it. I was happy there. Sure, I missed my friends and family, but I was having a blast. When my six months were up, I packed myself off to Denmark to visit TeamHardCore, who was there on Rotary Exchange and then hopped on a train down to Switzerland to hang out with my aunt, uncle, and now two cousins in Switzerland for five weeks.

Because, just before Christmas, I found out I was going to Our Chalet. My dream was coming true!


I was there for three glorious months and met some of the most wonderful people ever. I kept my promise to myself and by the end of my time there, I skied a black run. I was never, ever, ever again going to downhill ski after a disastrous day on the mountain when I was 16, but my promise made me do it. And I loved it.


My plane ticket was waiting for me in the Pax Lodge safe and in order to get it back, I had to go back to work there for four weeks. Okay, so not had, but I did go back for four weeks. They were short someone for one of the busiest months of the year, so I was happy to help out.

I boarded a plane on July 4th, returning home to Canada a different person. A person who had been bitten by the World Centre bug.

I went to Guide camp. I became a Guider leader. I got a real job. That paid well. That had benefits. That would become a career. And just before Christmas, I quit. So that at the beginning of January I could jump on a plane back to Pax Lodge for another year. This time in a paid position.

I had another wonderful year. I made so many friends. I did so many things. I travelled to so many places in Europe. I wanted to stay, but visa issues meant I had to go home. But I wasn't ready.

So I packed my stuff. Sadly waved goodbye to Pax Lodge. Got on a plane. Cried all the way home. And three weeks later I got on another plane and zoomed off to Australia, New Zealand, and Hawaii for 13 weeks.

On my first day there, I met up with another Canadian who I met at Pax Lodge and two Australian who had been there at different times...they ended up working together on the same Guides Australia Committee!


I had a great time roaming across the bottom of Australia, visiting all my marvellous friends from my time away.


My wonderful and amazing friend, Virginia, and I travelled up the east coast together and spent three days travelling through the outback to Uluru (Ayres Rock).


I was the maid of honour at a New Zealand wedding. My Pax Lodge friend from New Zealand married a boy scout from London who she met at Our Chalet. There's some Guiding connections for you!


By the time I got home, I was ready to be home. I missed my London life and home. I missed my wonderful friends. But I was ready for what ever was waiting for me next.

Calm

It's calm right now. There's even blue sky peaking over the top of the building across the street.

But twenty minutes ago there was pelting rain and furious wind.

And the wind could come back at any time. The trees behind the building across the street are huge. And they didn't stand up so well the last time we had a storm.

But it's calm right now. And I'll stay here while it is calm. But if the calm goes, I might go too. I'd rather be at home watching the storm than at work.

My three lives of Guiding: The Nomadic Era [Canadian Edition]

Off I went to university...Guiding came with me.

I became a Sparks Leader. I might have been an adult, but I was still a girl...I was in a part of town where the leaders were a pretty even mix of 18-22 year old students and moms in their late 30s-50s. With the exception of a small few of the "older" leaders, most of them figured us young uns had no idea how to run a group, had no good ideas, were irresponsible, and couldn't be relied on. It went so far that the treasurer wouldn't let me keep the books for my unit, but oddly enough she let me and the other guiders in our group (who were the same age as me) buy things and write cheques to reimburse ourselves...

Anyway...frustrations aside, Guiding was important to me as a student. It was something I did for myself. Something I did that had no relation to my studies. Something I looked forward to every week, because no matter how tired I was or how busy I was or how many assignments I had, I got to leave it all behind for a couple of hours every week and have a blast with five year olds. And they know how to have fun!

I loved my Sparks...but they were only around until April when school ended and I went back to Kelowna. For two summers I helped in a Pathfinder group when I was home - the opposite end of the spectrum - 12-15 year olds. Who were a challenge and lots of fun, just different fun than Sparks.

As graduation approached and I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, I started thinking about what to do next. And I didn't know. I knew I was done with school for the time being. I knew I didn't really want to jump feet first into the work force and have a retail or office job that I didn't particularly enjoy. I figured there must be something out there that would give a challenge, that had purpose, that might even be fun.

That's when I remembered a promise I made to myself when I was 14.

When I was 14, my wonderful Mama decided I should accompany her to Switzerland when she went for her annual visit to see my aunt, uncle, and cousin who lived over there eight months (or so) of the year. I was thrilled. I had a blast. I decided I loved Europe and travelling. And I visited my first World Centre.

My aunt and uncle weren't far from Our Chalet, so we went. The only day we could go was a day that was actually a cleaning day - the staff spent the day scrubbing the building from top to bottom - and they were technically closed but they agreed that we could come up and go for a tour.

I had a great time. The snow was taller than me. We had a tour, given by a volunteer, Helen, from the UK. The people were all so nice and friendly. And I vowed I'd be back. I wanted to volunteer just like Helen did.

So, when I got stuck on what to do with my life after I finished university, I turned back to Guiding and did some research on World Centres. Based on the availability of volunteer jobs, the times of year and duration of those positions, and my vow to return to Our Chalet, I decide to apply there and also to Pax Lodge. I wanted to go back to Europe.

I applied at the end of my third year of university. I spent hours on my applications. Eight-seven people looked over my applications and made suggestions. I rewrote my cover letter so many times. And then I sent them off. And crossed my fingers.

And, on September 25, 1998, I got the letter I was waiting for from Pax Lodge. They had accepted my application to be a House Assistant. I was excited for days. I spent my last two semesters as a student dreaming about my six month stint in London.

Just before I left Vancouver in April of 1999, ready to have a great adventure, I received a surprising (and welcome) phone call from my District Commissioner (DC). My District had been very supportive of my adventure, even chipping in to buy me a new uniform and some gifts to take with me, but there was still an undercurrent of grouchiness towards younger guiders. My DC called to tell me that while she was still working to convince all of the "older" Guiders in our District, she knew the value of young Guiders and knew that her District wouldn't be able to have half the number of units it had without young Guiders. Her acknowledgment meant the world to me!

And so, I found myself on a plane in July, ready for the experience of a lifetime!

Smile

My smile is broken.

I didn't realize how much I used it every day until it broke.

I'm sure that plenty of people I interacted with today thought I was a cranky grouch. I couldn't smile at the pedestrian who waved when I stopped to let her cross the street. I couldn't smile at the lady at the grocery store who let me go first. I couldn't smile at the little girl at the grocery store helping her mom.

Worst of all, I couldn't smile at my kid.

And if I forgot my smile was broken, well, I think it looked more like a snarl or a sneer and it lasted a split second because pain shot across my face and I ended up grimacing.

At least today was better than yesterday...

I didn't look in the mirror until I got home from the dentist. My mouth was still frozen, but the freezing was starting to wear off so my lip was all droopy and I looked like I'd been through a war. It must have been an ugly smile I gave the gentleman who let me on the bus in front of him.

I miss smiling. But once my mouth is healed I will be smiling again...I guarantee it!

Week 5: Why do you want to get organized?

Okay, so that's an easy question.



I'm going to jump straight to the questions because, well, that's easiest...

Week five questions
1. Name ONE reason you want to get organized.
I have more than one reason:
Because I can't stand the piles
Because I can't stand the laundry mountain
Because life is easier when you can find things immediately
Because I miss the way life was when I lived in the Hobbit Hole and even the Blue House and could just do stuff when I wanted without the clutter or the missed chores or whatever hanging over my head
Because we have too much stuff
I'm certain there are more reasons, but I can't think of them right now....

2. What did you organize last week and were you happy with the way it turned out?
I haven't organized anything since Friday...we were busy all weekend and I had dental surgery yesterday, but maybe the rest of the week will allow for some real work on the house.

3. Have you had any breakthroughs or a-ha moments yet?
One that I mentioned earlier - I don't do things in the right order...I'm working on that.

My three lives of Guiding: The Girl Years

I began my lifelong association with Guiding when I was seven years old. I was a Brownie. I had no idea what Guiding was. I was a Brownie. And there were these mythical older beings called Guides and I could be one when I stopped being a Brownie. But that's where my knowledge of the organization stopped.

I went to weekly meetings. I (for a while) proudly wore my brown uniform to school on Brownie day (I think it was Monday). I played with my new Brownie friends who weren't necessarily in my class, but went to my school. I became a sixer. I went to camp.

But I didn't particularly like Brownies.

I was kind of bored. I stuck around because my mom was one of the Brownie leaders.

I'm glad I stuck around. Because it meant that eventually I flew up to Guides.

And I loved Guides.

We were a small group - two patrols, so probably fewer than 12 kids. Two Guiders. Camping. Fn stuff. I loved it. My best friend Fiona was in my Guide Company - we had been in different Brownie Packs - it was great. I loved it.

From Guides I moved up to Pathfinders and from Pathfinders to Rangers. By the end of it there was a core group of girls who had been in pretty much every level together and we loved it. We also had some really awesome adults providing first supervision and instruction, then guidance and support.

I loved what Guiding gave me. I had the opportunity to do things I enjoyed like hiking and camping; I got to learn new skills like cooking at camp and tying a tarp down so that it gave ample shade and protection from rain and wouldn't blow down in a storm; I had a safe place to go every week where I could just be me.

Being me was important to me. I wasn't the coolest of kids, but I had a good group of friends, some were in Guides, Pathfinders, and Rangers with me, some weren't. There was no pressure to be anything other than me at Guides. There were no boys or teachers to impress. I could be silly or serious. I could try to be intelligent or I could play dumb. I could be noisy or quiet. I could be shy or outgoing. And I was accepted. Huge when you're a teenager! HUGE!

When I went away to boarding school I joined the Lones program because I couldn't imagine life without Guiding.

Many of those girls are still my friends. Some I keep in touch with through Facebook. Some are still people I see regularly. My matron of honour (Fiona) and one of my bridesmaids were both in Guides with me (my other two bridesmaids are my sisters). Fiona was the first person to meet J when she was born.

And those women who were our leaders? They were our other moms...they put up with things our moms wouldn't. They taught us all kinds of lessons about life and camping and hiking and flora and fauna and the environment and friendship and trust and loyalty.

Where are they now? Well, one, Gwen, happens to be Fiona's mom and she was at my wedding too and she was one of the very first people to come to the hospital when J was born. I'm friends with two of the others on Facebook and my mom runs in to the fourth a couple of times a year, so we keep up with each other that way...But these four women were certainly an important, and constant, part of my life!

And then I graduated from high school...where would Guiding take me next?

Challenges, challenges, challenges

I've wanted to participate in NaBloPoMo for ages...I keep looking at their themes and nothing has ever grabbed me...until this month.

I pulled this from their email:

IN A WORD. It's meant to be both an inspiration and a challenge: you can choose a word (perhaps by going to either Save the Words or One Word) to build a post around, or you can try to find one word that sums up whatever's going on in your life each day when you sit down to compose your post. You can talk about the power of words, your favorite words, or what happens when we're at a loss for words. And naturally photobloggers are granted the right to gather up a thousand words and present them in the best daily images they can produce.

So, I don't know where this will go or how I'll approach it or if each day will follow the same format or what. I just hope I can get myself together enough to post at least once a day...