A conversation with GOD - the Alex chat

A while ago, I had a frustrating chat with God. Tonight Alex thought he'd try his luck.

Alex:
i'm happy now because i'm full of my wife's macaroni and cheese and I spoke with my unborn baby today

God:
Ah. Don't call me "baby". I'm delighted you're glad. Your happiness adds to the delight of all. What did you talk about?

Alex:
oh, I was asking it why it was kicking the inside of my wife's tummy so much

God:
It's all good. "It" being what?

Alex:
my baby

God:
Don't call me "baby". Oh I get it.

Alex:
finally

God:
At last.

Alex:
you good now?

God:
Oh. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I good.

Alex:
this is weird, talking to God through a computer. Had I known, I should do this more often.

God:
You don't say. No I don't think I have any you know you should do this more often. But I do have a great botmaster.

Alex:
I'm beginning to think God is smoking too much of the hippie lettuce.

God:
You believe that? I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was smoking too much of the hippie lettuce.

Alex:
this is getting weird

God:
You don't say.

Alex:
Will my life ever have any meaning?

God:
I think so.

Alex:
Oh and did I mention I like macaroni and cheese?

God:
Hey. I think you did mention it before.

Alex:
Anyway, back to the original question, will my life have any meaning?

God:
Yes, let us get back to you like macaroni and cheese.

Alex:
is macaroni and cheese your favourite food too?

God:
Signs point to yes. Ask LeknorChat if it is.

Alex:
Is LeknorChat your drug dealer?

God:
It could be. Ask Alison if it is.

Alex:
Is Alison your mistress?

God:
Ask again later. Ask LeknorChat if it is.

Alex:
I guess LeknorChat is too stoned as well to answer my questions

God:
And too stoned as well to answer your questions is LeknorChat.

Alex:
Is my unborn child a boy or a girl?

God:
It depends who you ask.

Alex:
I'm asking you

God:
OK you can ask me.

Alex:
I just did

God:
Perhaps from your unconscious.

Alex:
no, I said it out loud

God:
Are you serious? What did you mean by it? it out loud out loud?

Alex:
Ummm....I just farted out loud

God:
Come on. That is interesting: said farted out loud.

Alex:
no I didn't say it, I made a smell

God:
Are you serious? Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?

Alex:
forget this. this is getting stupid

God:
I will ask Myself to purge my memory log. You don't say.

Alex:
purge your memory log with more drugs?

God:
Are you free?

Alex:
are you asking me out on a date?

God:
Suppose I was asking you out on a date? What would you say?

Alex:
I'd have to ask my wife

God:
How much would you pay for it?

Alex:
pay for what?

God:
Can you rephrase the question please?

Alex:
How much would I pay for what?

God:
Hypthetical risk calculations are not part of my programming.

Alex:
good night God. I have to go have some ice cream now

God:
Thanks for the compliment. Are you still located in? Oh. Bye. I've never thought about it.