Oh man, a couple of weeks ago, I wrote about J getting pinched by another child at daycare. Daycare-kid managed to pinch her so hard that the skin on her cheek broke.
I wasn't entirely concerned. I wasn't pleased, but these things happen when you have twelve kids aged 21 months to 2 1/2 years in one room all day, every day.
But then I started to notice this daycare-kid wasn't exactly gentle with the other kids. Daycare-kid is one of the youngest kids in the group and isn't as verbal as the rest of the kids. I've seen daycare-kid kick other kids because they were in the way. The other day when I dropped J off, daycare-kid came up and stood in J's space. Every time someone asked daycare-kid to move out of the way and talked about personal space, daycare-kid moved. Or J would get fed up with daycare-kid standing so close and she would move, but inevitably, daycare-kid ended up back in J's space over and over again.
Then last week when I picked J up I discovered that daycare-kid had bitten another child on the cheek. J was quite upset about this and she talked about it for a few days.
Which brings us to today and the call I just got. From the daycare. Did I have time to talk about J? Of course I did, but I wondered what she had done and why this was the first conversation about her behaviour we were having (they're very good at having discussions about problem behaviour at drop off and pick up).
It turns out the behaviour issue was daycare-kid's not J's. Daycare-kid had turned around, unprovoked, and bitten J on the back, so hard through her clothes that she broke the skin. Daycare-kid has a constant adult escort these days and has apparently singled out a handful of kids - J and the other little boy being two of them. The adult who was with daycare-kid is quite distraught that this happened - she turned to get the soap so that daycare-kid and J could wash their hands for lunch and that's when daycare-kid's chompers came out.
I had a good chat with the woman who called me. I feel really bad - for J because that's just not fun and for all the daycare ladies. J spent about half an hour with ice on her back getting rocked by one of her favourite daycare ladies. I feel really bad for all of the daycare ladies, especially the one in the bathroom. This isn't their fault and they are working on daycare-kid's behaviour. Today's incident was apparently the worst one and daycare-kid's parents are coming in for a meeting to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Daycare-kid understood that what happened was wrong - apparently through lunch and after daycare-kid muttered, "Big mistake. Big mistake." Over and over.
It's so frustrating! I just want to go get J now and take her home and spend the day with her and not be at work anymore, but that's not the right thing to do for either of us. I love her daycare. She loves her daycare. She loves the other kids and the daycare ladies and talks about them all the time when she's not at daycare. The daycare ladies love her. The other kids love her. This is a good place for her.
We've decided that since she was bitten through her shirt and her tetanus is up to date J's not going to the doctor...
But I'm not sure what to do about daycare-kid. For now, we're just going to leave it and support J and let her talk about it and see what happens. She's already been indicating that daycare-kid is her least favourite friend at daycare. Daycare-kid was away yesterday and J told me in the car on the way home that "Daycare-kid no come daycare today" in a very cheerful voice.
Has your kid been bitten at daycare? What did you do? Or do you remember being bitten by some other kid when you were a kid?
Oh, Shannon! I feel for you. What a tough situation. I also admire you for taking the situation in stride and responding calmly. You are a great mom!
ReplyDeleteI was bitten at preschool. There was *that kid* and we were supposed to be cleaning up before carpet time but she continued to play in the water thingy. I told her "it's clean up time" then I reached to grab a bunch of the plastic boats and she bit my wrist. Her loose front tooth got stuck in my wrist and there was a lot of blood (there's a lot of veins there).
ReplyDeleteI think your calm and logical way of handling it is fantastic :)
@Melynda - thanks!
ReplyDelete@Andrea - thanks too and... just.... ewwww....the tooth....ewwww....yuck! were you traumatized?
We've been lucky this week - it was a short one and we were away for part of it and daycare-kid was away for part of it so their paths haven't crossed. J is grumpy about daycare-kid though, so we'll see how next week goes. I think J thinks daycare-kid is away because of the biting incident, but I'm pretty sure daycare-kid is just on an extended Thanksgiving weekend...